FamilyTime Blog

818-821-6012

Discover the unspoken patterns of an abusive relationship

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used by one partner towards the other to maintain power and control. The abuser does so with multiple tools beyond physicalDomestic violence abuse to intimidate and bully their partner into staying with them, and needed them. Most of the time, these behaviors are normalized, and we do not notice their negative impact until it is too late. With proper therapy, patients can eventually learn to recognize the patterns of abuse, and dependence which create the cycle of abuse that they live in. After the social media campaign to bring bullying to a stop for young adults in schools, it became time to shed light on non-physical abuse.

Recent streams of articles, fictional stories, and videos on emotional abuse have realistically depicted the subtleties and manipulation of emotionally abusive relationships.

The quirks we fall in love with might end up also being the seeds to destroying our relationships with people. For example, your partners need to always be right in an argument or situation begins as a simple and sometimes cute characteristic. But after a while, this quirk can become a controlling device to make you feel dependent or wrong in every situation.

Buzzfeed’s video article,Emotional Abuse Can Be Hard To Recognize inspired Dr. Steve Stosny, a media consultant for relationships, to speak out. He explained, “The law of blame is that it goes to the closest person...You’ll eventually be the object of it”.
 
 

Often we cannot recognize when a person takes jokes, lying, or criticism too far. In a relationship, we even sometimes give a lot of slack to our partners, looking for reasons why their behavior is not abusive, but just normal. Finding excuses for the reasons a person treats you badly is a symptom of abuse. Below are some scenarios and characteristics of emotionally abusive relationships.

 

Discouragement

You may not agree with you partner on plans for the future, but you should respect one another. This simple rule of dating which often goes unsaid or ignored could save you from years of trauma. You and your partner should at least be happy and excited for new opportunities which may come along, not jealous and angry. By using patterns of verbal abuse, such as threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, your partner can discourage you and make you feel helpless.

Humiliation can also be used in public to make you feel inferior. When abuse goes unchecked, it becomes easy to forget that we deserve better. Discouragement goes even further by embedding itself into our subconscious. Signs of this type of abuse in a person will show as low self-esteem, being withdrawn, depressed, anxious, and overly apologetic.

But like many hard to spot things in the world, emotional abuse works in a cycle. And sometimes your relationship seems real, romantic, and even manageable. While other times, you lack control in your world.

 

Criticism

Your partner should usually be the one to recognize changes in your appearance or personality. If these changes are real, your partner should be the first one to admire them, and if they are negative, your partner can often recognize these patterns as harmful. However, when your partner is emotionally abusing you, they might be more invested in tearing you down rather than building you up.

Positivity helps individuals grow and become better people. It is also true that criticism and mistakes help a person learn, these should be constructive and not merely negative. For instance, there is a huge difference between the two quotes below.

  • “You filed these wrong, but the instructions might be confusing. Read them over once more, and try again, ask me if you have any questions”.
  • “You filed these wrong, I left instructions, you should have been able to do it correctly.”

They do not want you to feel good about your positive changes, and they might encourage you to do an 180-degree turn for the worst. Learning to recognize these patterns of criticism takes time and can be uncomfortable, especially in more long-term relationships.

 

Indifference

During times of hardship, we look towards our partners to be a shoulder to cry on. When we are in an abusive relationship, your partner would rather distance themselves from us, get angry about our emotional state, or completely ignoring it. They are likely to make themselves the center of your emotions, forcing you to give all your reserve energy to comfort them, even if you are the one in pain. This pattern of indifference is often the hardest to recognize because it does not have a spoken or take physical effect. Rather, it is the lack of response which the abuser uses to manipulate their partner.

As the cycle begins again, those who find themselves dating a person who is always indifferent will ignore the times of abuse because they will remember the good times. There will be moments where their partner seems to care or be concerned about their well-being. Do not confuse concern for distrust. An abuser can often wonder about your whereabout to discover who you are with. The potential for you to leave them set them on high alert. This manic behavior will present itself in the form of want and desire. The abuser will use manipulation and sweet talk to get you back into their good graces.

Indifference is harder to recognize as a form of emotional abuse. But if we change the word indifference, to neglect, it seems much more apparent. Being neglected of vitamins, sunlight, sleep, mobility or any other essentials has immediate side effects. Being neglected of emotional and mental support will also have adverse side effects. If you are unable to see your side effects, you will get tricked into thinking nothing is wrong. No black eyes or bruises to see. Bob Keeshan, a board member of the hold abuse committee, explains that “Words can be tremendously hurtful. The effects are long-term and devastating...turning their pain inward, resulting in such problems as alcohol abuse and even suicide attempts”.

 

Chaos

Having a rocky or bumpy relationship with a partner, family, and even coworkers is normal. No one is the same, and it’s healthy to have differences in opinions and beliefs. When you are in healthy relationships these moments of disagreement can work to get to know each other better. They work to create more stability in the future. However, if you are in an abusive relationship, these moments could turn worse, making mountains out of molehills. An emotionally abusive relationship survives off the patterns of turmoil it causes. How are we supposed to recognize the difference between concern and chaos? Is this person genuinely worried about my well being, or are they scared they are losing control? It could be possible that if the fight or argument begins to turn against one person, that this may be a sign of chaos.

For instance, your partner complains that you are always on your phone and that this annoys them. The arguments get a little out of hand, and your partner uses this to question you. They begin to wonder you have become, and if the phone is a sign that you are cheating on them. This is a jump to conclusions based solely on a heat of the moment; this is chaos. Here the argument might even be a tactic to make you feel worse as if you are to blame for all the hardships in the relationship. Over time, you’ll be seeking approval for every decision you make, and you will have lost all control in the relationship. In 2010 an ambitious new effort began in California to fund ten projects to teach young women and men about the behaviors of abuse in teen dating, and how to prevent them. The research surrounding the discussion was, due to lack of resources, younger adults had a higher risk of abuse. The program has generated a lot of active outreach as well as education on the subject, but many young men and women still don’t know what to expect when getting into a relationship, and can’t recognize emotional abuse.

 

Blame

During a healthy relationship, both partners can make mistakes; we are human after all. In an abusive relationship, there is always a victim and one to blame. Anything that goes wrong will be your fault, even if you did not directly do anything. Logic and reasoning will get you and your partner nowhere.

According to couples therapy counselor, Marni Feuerman, “psychological abuse occurs when a person in the relationship tries to control information available to someone else with intent to manipulate that person’s sense of reality.” By only getting know one perspective or small bits of information, the victim tends to feel out of place, insecure, and wrong in a lot of situations. This makes it easy for the abuser to remove ay blame from them.

This form of blame transcends any ordinary sense of guilt and makes situations feel a lot more threatening. Guilt becomes a physical side effect, and the victim will turn to unhealthy forms of relief, like drugs and alcohol, self-mutilation. In an abusive relationship, the abuser will manipulate the victim to feel this burden of guilt as though they are the ones who have ruined the relationship.

We may have heard some of these lines before, maybe uttered by our parents, our partners, even friends.

“It’s my fault, and I made him upset.”
“She only cheated because I wasn’t showing her enough love.”
“I should have loved him more.”
“We were really great until I went back to school.”
 

Blame has a way of sneaking around our subconscious. With time as a tool to blur our memory, we often romanticize our relationships, remembering only at the right times. However, and self-awareness makes it possible to recognize the abuse, no matter how light or verbal it was.

 

Vital Signs of Emotional Abuse

In cases where emotional abuse is less obvious, it’s hard to be self-aware of the quirks and characteristics of an abuser until it is too late. Often, the people we fall in love with are putting on their best performance, and we don’t see the actual scope of their abuse until years into a relationship. More often than not, emotional abuse goes undiscussed because we are not taught that small things such as lying can be considered abuse.

One article cannot tell you how to identify and get out of an abusive relationship. But, one article can go a long way to inform you and force you to recognize things about yourself and your partner which you want to ignore. How do you know you are in an abusive relationship, and how do you know you are the abuser? Any gender, race, or socioeconomic class can be both an abuser, and a victim There are no ways of generalizing this matter into original labels. However, educating people at a young age will help individuals recognize early on that a healthy relationship is built on respect and mutual happiness.

Below is a short list of signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, but they are not to only signs.

Accusations and blame
Controlling all the finances
Degrading an individual based on their speech
Disrespecting an individual
Ignoring you and your requests
Ignoring a person's privacy
Intentional frightening and pranks
Lack of empathy or compassion
Lack of respect for you
Lying
Name calling
Socially isolating the individual from others
Threats of violence
Withdrawals of affection
Withholding relevant information
Withholding love or physical contact as a control method
 

If you or a loved one is showing signs of abuse, or you recognize these behaviors in your partner, please seek help. Often the abuser is also facing issues of their own and could use treatment as well.

 

Prevent The Problem Before it Begins

 

When you have a problem, you may not notice right away. If you get a bruise or a scratch, sometimes you just can’t remember where you got it from. Issues that tend to go ignored over time, and increase into a boil, often creating larger problems than before. Your family should not be something you easily ignore; it should be something you take care of and nurture. Family counseling is the ideal way to make your family strong and healthy on an emotional level.

If you see a pothole coming up as you drive, you will try to avoid it, right? You wouldn’t drive straight for it! When you have concerns between the family, they can resemble potholes. Quick fixes like a family vacation or a nice dinner can always work to settle an argument or make someone happy. Although these moments of happiness are healthy and should happen more often if used as a band-aid, they won’t last long, and when the problem resurfaces it might actually be worse than before!

Family counseling would work in the same way as filling a pothole, instead of just avoiding it. A specialized therapist would work with your family to discuss problems in a calm and controlled environment. Some people might think of it like having a referee, but that competitive style thinking is what brings many people into counseling. There are no sides, and it’s not about being right or wrong. Family counseling is about listening to one another after being able to get your thoughts into the right words. Family counseling is all about wanting to fill potholes, and not just avoid them.

 

Change of Perspective

We all think we know our family better than anyone. But, there are things about yourself that you would never tell your parents, siblings, and especially not your grandparents. These are the things you might find innocent, like your social life, sexual partners, or private habits. We could tell our friends and assume no one else would understand. What we don’t realize is that our family might also have secrets they don’t feel comfortable telling us.

During family counseling, though truths may get revealed, what is most important, is that the atmosphere welcomes different perspectives. We might think it is a place to go and purge out all our problems, but during family counseling, we also have to listen to others. Learning the different perspectives of our family is important because we can finally come to see the world in the way our family does. Maybe the same fight can be considered from several points of view.

More often than not, parents feel that is their child is in need of therapy, that they as parents are exempt, or not at fault. A parent may not always see that they need to get involved or that their police style of parenting is not always the best approach to raising children. Family Counseling would allow for parents to hear the child’s perspective and understand their role. Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy, a leading researcher, and writer for psychotherapy, explained “I believe that problems are delicately and seamlessly interwoven in a nexus of relationships. It is difficult for me, if not impossible, to envision any human interaction problem without considering the relational context in which it is embedded.”

His ideas, as a family counselor, are spot on. To get at the heart of any issue concerning family, we would have to take into account the actual situation, not merely one person's retelling of the incident. The whole family, no matter how young or old, contributes to the formation of a problem, and prolonging it. But as Dr. Hardy concluded his point, if the problem is embedded with the family relationship, then so is the solution.

 

Have Someone Actually Listen To You

Just because you hold something back from your family, does not mean you do not trust them. Keeping secrets can be a sign of fear, but it can also mean that you are not sure if your family is actually listening or will be able to listen without judging you. This happens a lot in families with children who have disabilities, mental illness, sexual differences, and gender differences. It is hard to empathize with family members or people in general who are different from us, but this should not mean we cannot sympathize. Humans beings have a hard time putting themselves in other’s shoes, that’s why we should take advantage of family counseling.

When you see a family counselor you can explain your concerns without the fear of your family judging you. Then, you and the counselor can work together to find a way to share your concerns with your family in the appropriate way. It’s almost like having someone spell check, or edit your work, then help you share it across the board.

 

Healing Starts from the Parents

It can be difficult to get your whole family on board with counseling. Someone may feel attacked by the decision because they might be insecure and feel that you are blaming them for the family concerns. Someone else might feel that they have nothing to do with the issues at hand. Regardless of the actual problem, when there is a problem with your family, the entire group is involved. It will affect everyone when you are depressions, angry, or scared, and it will begin to diminish your relationships.

If you are a parent, it might be time to step it up and lead the way. Family counseling will only benefit your situation and show your family that you are willing to make a change. For children and siblings, it sometimes feels like they are being forced into therapy because minors must do as their parents and guardians say. However, by reassuring the family that you want to do this as a group, it will help anyone who feels forced feel as though this is an activity, instead of a jail sentence.

Practice empathy, try as a parent, to understand why your kids might be upset, and how going to family counseling might help the group, not just the kids. Asking your family if they understand this decision, is also a very proactive step because it shows you value everyone’s opinion. Kids are highly influenced by our responses, and when a parent takes challenges head on, children will learn how to focus their energy on solving problems.

 

Get to the Deeper Issues

Ask yourself, what are the issues at hand? You may have had a fight with your family over, who’s turn it is to take out the trash. But ask, why are we fighting about something so simple. This fight would be linked to a deeper issue concerning your family's lack of communication. Somewhere down the line, chores became organized by person, and someone no longer feels the designated chores are fair. Understanding the deeper issues behind mundane fights in what family counseling helps achieve.

Struggling with triggers in your parenting
Your relationships have new challenges
Your job is starting to be more difficult
The family is lacking motivation
Your fears are holding you back
Questioning who you have become

These are the targets in family counseling; they are the underlying issues behind the random outbursts.

ALthough family counseling is something that would benefit any household, it is not a game, nor is it easy. When you target and breakdown issues between partners, parents, and siblings, it will create rifts and emotional struggles. It is the same as when you exercise, your muscles are tearing, and as you rest, they will build, stronger and bigger. Family counseling will tear apart the band-aids and work to actually heal the wounds within families. Going deeper will also show each member that these issues they have may just be symptoms of bigger issues, and knowing this can stop fights in the future.

 

Emotions Won’t Get In The Way

How can we expect to undergo any sort of treatment, when we stop our train of thought each time we get emotional. Even though we might think, this is logical, during a state of heightened emotions, all bets are off. If fighting with a loved one becomes emotionally heated, end it right then and there. No side will win an argument if the argument becomes about winning. Emotions are vital, without them our lives might be boring. But, if you cannot regulate emotions you will lash out in inappropriate settings.

Psychology is still a debated subject because the mind is such a delicate thing. However, there are a plethora of practices for family counseling that are healthy alternatives to fighting. Although many people try breathing exercises and calling exercises, these are only momentary fixes. You will need to eventually address the issue your family, instead of avoiding the issues with breathing practices. A family counselor will ask you to work with them and teach you small exercises to try throughout the week until your next appointment.

Avoid circumstances which trigger unwanted emotions
Modify your goals to avoid false perfection
Shift your focus to you and your process
Change your thoughts to change your responses

 

Show You Care

Apart from merely going to family counseling, showing your family you care about them is vital for any sort of change to occur. A family is a fragile thing which needs the work and sacrifice of every individual to function. How can you actually show your loved ones you care, more so than just telling them? Actions speak louder than words and making the first steps towards a stronger family will show that you can break through your fears of counseling. SImple things, such as being polite, and sacrificing arguments will go a long way to showing your loved ones you care.

Picking your battles is something any counselor will tell you. But stopping arguing is not as simple as that, you have to listen to one another, not merely ignore a fight. And when you can tell that someone is hurt or confused, apologize to them, because chances are you did something and might not be aware of it. If you know you did nothing wrong, that is fine, but someone in your family feels wronged, so help them understand your point of you and ask them to explain their side as well.

Part of showing someone you care might actually start with showing yourself you care. It is easy to show up to weekly counseling, but what about admitting to yourself that there is a problem? Starting your day with simple thoughts, such as, I love my family, can work to reminding you what is important in life. /yes, we can get extremely frustrated at our family, but simple reminders throughout the week that we do care and we do want to make our family stronger.

 

 

What Does Anxiety Look Like?

A person suffering from anxiety always tends to remain nervous, impatient and restless. They might drift around in a lethargic state, sometimes forgetful of their motivations and goals. Anxious individuals will find it difficult to adjust to society because of their problem with adapting and understanding to their illness. Their lifestyle becomes miserable and gloomy because they have been raised believing that if there is no physical symptom they are not ill. In turn, their mental health has been put on the back burner and seen as less important than other problems which might arise.

Now, with FamilyTime Centers in Los Angeles, you can put all your worries aside and take a deep breath. At our treatment centers there will be someone who will understand your illness, and helps you learn to deal with the specific anxiety you have. We don’t use the word cure, but we do take mental health seriously enough to train you to manage and overcome your anxiety. Mental Health is a sensitive and fragile concept which needs the patient and gracefully art of neurotherapy harmonized with psychotherapy.

Anxiety Treatment in CA

If you start the treatment at an early or initial stage, the anxiety disorder can become manageable, and rather than controlling your behavior and lifestyle, you will control your anxiety. If you have anxiety, you do not need extra problems to deal with daily, getting the right treatment and training will lessen the impact that your anxiety has over you and your family.

The Comfortable Care You Deserve and Need

All our clinicians are outstanding at handling and managing each of the specific illness and needs our patients bring with them. They take complete care of them including their food, medicine, clothes, and hygiene. Our goal is to treat patients as though they are clients, serving you with the perfect therapy sculpted after your illness. Once you get in touch with us, the hardest step is over. Generating a treatment plan, and following it, helps you to be able to recognize your illness instead of fearing it. Afterward, you will experience a better lifestyle allowing you to focus on your work and family rather than your anxiety. We are here to help, our hospitality and services are unbeatable. FamilyTime Center has created a benchmark when it comes to anxiety treatment in Los Angeles.

Why choose FamilyTime Center, for an anxiety treatment center in Los Angeles?

The primary reason for you to choose us would be the compassionate and unique form of therapy FamilyTime Center offers. We use the best and the most comfortable settings to conduct your treatment and recovery. Satisfaction of the patient is our motto and goal. All our staff members are very much dedicated to their patients. We are the leading anxiety treatment provider in Los Angeles.

How unique are we from other anxiety treatment centers Los Angeles?

We are different and the best in every perspective when it comes to anxiety treatment in Los Angeles. Our services are loved and enjoyed by all our patients and clients. Choosing us over other anxiety treatment centers in Los Angeles would be quite beneficial for you. It will help you get rid of anxiety problem because we encourage outpatient programs which help get our clients back into the rhythm of everyday life.

Avail services from Family time Centers and utilize our anxiety treatment centers in Los Angeles. You will notice a less stressful and anxiety free life. Our services have set a benchmark in Los Angeles in terms of anxiety treatment because all our specialists are professionals and trained in the newest and most beneficial technologies to support your healing process. Contact us as soon as you see signs of social anxiety, stress anxiety, even mild anxiety attacks and we will work with you to learn to combat them.

Depressive States of Mind

Depression is that state of mind where a person loses their peace of mind and is not able to work or concentrate on one thing properly. The individual tends to get annoyed quickly, and their patience level is too low. When a person is under depression, he may tend to get pain in the lower back area. When we talk about that person’s mood, he suffers general discontent, loneliness, hopelessness, sadness, mood swings, social isolation, insomnia, over thoughts and many such other problems. Depression Center Los Angeles comes up with every solution for the same. At FamilyTime Centers we know about how to deal with every problem that the patient is facing.

Improve Depression and Anxiety without Meds

What Kind of Mental Support Do You Need?

If you or someone from your family are not able to find peace of mind despite many efforts, it might be a signal that you should consider seeing a doctor. Family Time Centers has specialists in depression throughout Los Angeles. With us, you could get the happiness that you desire. Going through our website will help you learn more about depression and the different specialists you could see in Los Angeles. At Family Time Centers, we use treatments and therapy that have been practiced and well researched for decades. We come up with new treatment plans that focus on your particular illness and health concerns, and each patient receives focused and specific therapy. Getting treatment from us will help you get rid of all negative feelings and thoughts you may have about psychologists and clinics. Staying away or getting rid of negative thoughts will help you get a better life.

What To Expect at Family Time Center

Here at Family Time Centers, we give the best attention and hospitality to our patients. During your complete check up and stay, you will never feel that you are away from your home. All our staff members are specialists who have spent decades training and researching modern psychology, and well as neurotherapy. Our approaches are a balance of compassion as well as the urgency to improve; we mix the hard work of therapy and ask that our patients open up to us, the way that they would open up to a close friend. With this barrier broken, we can get to the center of your depression and most health issues, and comfortably treat them.

Recognizing Your Symptoms

When you feel that you are suffering from irritation, lack of sleep, or even at times too much sleep, lethargy, lack of concentration, it might be the right time that you seek out and consult a psychiatrist. They will help you get rid of your problem and that way you could manage to live a healthier life with no stress and worries. Living day to day with these severe health issues takes a toll on the body and the mind. Many times, if a person has a form a mental illness, they feel shy and scared to ask for medical help because the problem is either hidden or within the mind. Family Time Center comes up with great ways to treat the patient to avoid this anxiety and help heal from within the mind.

Contact Us

If depression is eating away at you from within, then Family Time Centers in Los Angeles is the right place for getting treated to get rid of it. Before starting the treatment, we make sure that we give you the proper consultation so that you are well aware of the entire program and budget of the six-month process you will be undergoing.

Come to Family Time Centers and get the best when it comes to depression center Los Angeles. Our consultation fee is affordable and based on your specific needs. We always try customizing our treatment programs according to the need of the customer.  

The Many SIdes to Mental Illness

Mental health disorders are challenging, and have many different signs and symptoms. They also come in various forms and illnesses. People with such diverse and various disorders find it uniquely challenging to cope with the society they live in, and this alienation makes them miserable. You need not worry, Family time Centers mental health center in Los Angeles has come up with excellent treatment and therapy for this disorder. We have devoted a chance to research mental illness, and using studies from brilliant psychologists before us, have understood that there is a diversity of mental illnesses. Each one making life more difficult for its victims, and these demanding disorders are often overseen because they are difficult to label and diagnose. Our patients have found themselves completely separated from their friends, family, and coworkers. They even find, at times, they may not fully understand how to join society in normal day to day activities, such as attending public shows, going to movies, or even sitting in a loud restaurant without having a meltdown. Timely treatment and care can help you understand your illness, and work towards creating a plan to resolve some of the issues you face.

Mental Health Center Los Angeles

What Caring and Comfortable Treatment Looks Like

At Family times center we work with excellent psychologists and specialist to assure a form of treatment that is comforting and right for you. Contacting us to help you get rid of your mental disorder will give you a better chance at a happier life. During the time you take treatment from us, you will never feel that you are in clinic or hospital. We create a homely feeling and comfort you with great care. All the basic essentials for your stay over there will be taken care because we understand the diversity of our patients, and we even encourage outpatient treatment for those who prefer to stay at home during recovery. At Family time Centers you will feel more like a client, than a patient. Many mental health centers might pressure those with illness to feel sick, but our specialists understand that an illness is not a disease, but a condition which can be learned and understood.

Why FamilyTime Center?

We at Family time Centers - mental health care Los Angeles make sure that our patient is happy and satisfied with our services and it is then only that we charge them. All our fees and charges are quite reasonable, and we never make the patient feel under pressure. We maintain a very sanitary environment for the patient. All our staff members are highly dedicated when it comes to serving the patient. We are one of the best and the leading mental health care center in Los Angeles.

What Sets Us Apart From Other Mental Health Centers?

No other health care center provides the comforting and careful service we do, along with our cost effective, and non-strenuous therapy, we stand out among our competitors. We consider your problems as if they were our own, and treat you accordingly. We have never found our patients to be too difficult to work with and encourage those with previously untreatable illness to seek our help. We take every possible care of our patients and their family members who come to assist them. Our vision has always been to give a better life and improvement in the health of the patient. We have been serving this industry for decades, and will for decades more. This is what Family time Centers all about.

Availing services from Family time Centers- mental health care Los Angeles will help you get a better and peaceful life if you have been struggling with mental issues and disorders. Do not hesitate at all if you have any such problem you can straight away contact us.

Meditation for the Month